Sheldon as Demi-sexual?

[muaaimoi]

So we all know that asexual characters get like no media coverage, and when they do they're like two-dimensional robots. Even characters that explicitly state they have no interest in romance or sex (like Sheldon, or bbc's Sherlock) are merely seen to be celibate. Which is kind of what the writers of the show have sort of done to Sheldon so... It's kind of valid. I mean they mention he likes to get himself off, but there's no reaction towards other people, in the immortal words of Penny,"What's Sheldon's deal?"

The thing is, Sheldon totally fits the definition of demi-sexual, in the sense that I can only see him being sexually attracted to someone if they had a strong emotional bond(cough-Penny-cough), despite having a working libido, it merely won't extend to other people. And he says himself that he will probably have sex with Amy, meaning he doesn't seem disgusted by it, he's simply not over the moon about the idea, and hyper-selective about anyone he would do so with. Almost like he's waiting to hit some 'intimacy threshold' in which it's considered appropriate? Maybe?

I just wanted to start the conversation and see what you guys think, so any takers?

[Wisp]

So we all know that asexual characters get like no media coverage, and when they do they're like two-dimensional robots. Even characters that explicitly state they have no interest in romance or sex (like Sheldon, or bbc's Sherlock) are merely seen to be celibate. Which is kind of what the writers of the show have sort of done to Sheldon so... It's kind of valid. I mean they mention he likes to get himself off, but there's no reaction towards other people, in the immortal words of Penny,"What's Sheldon's deal?"

The thing is, Sheldon totally fits the definition of demi-sexual, in the sense that I can only see him being sexually attracted to someone if they had a strong emotional bond(cough-Penny-cough), despite having a working libido, it merely won't extend to other people. And he says himself that he will probably have sex with Amy, meaning he doesn't seem disgusted by it, he's simply not over the moon about the idea, and hyper-selective about anyone he would do so with. Almost like he's waiting to hit some 'intimacy threshold' in which it's considered appropriate? Maybe?

I just wanted to start the conversation and see what you guys think, so any takers?

Yes, I do think that Sheldon is demisexual, rather than straight-up asexual. I sort of consider myself demisexual.

[Tuesday Pajamas]

So we all know that asexual characters get like no media coverage, and when they do they're like two-dimensional robots. Even characters that explicitly state they have no interest in romance or sex (like Sheldon, or bbc's Sherlock) are merely seen to be celibate. Which is kind of what the writers of the show have sort of done to Sheldon so... It's kind of valid. I mean they mention he likes to get himself off, but there's no reaction towards other people, in the immortal words of Penny,"What's Sheldon's deal?"

The thing is, Sheldon totally fits the definition of demi-sexual, in the sense that I can only see him being sexually attracted to someone if they had a strong emotional bond(cough-Penny-cough), despite having a working libido, it merely won't extend to other people. And he says himself that he will probably have sex with Amy, meaning he doesn't seem disgusted by it, he's simply not over the moon about the idea, and hyper-selective about anyone he would do so with. Almost like he's waiting to hit some 'intimacy threshold' in which it's considered appropriate? Maybe?

I just wanted to start the conversation and see what you guys think, so any takers?

First of all this is a great topic and welcome muaaimoi

I know very little about the term demisexual, does this mean that these individuals express their emotions freely to the one they love? While I think Sheldon is indeed an emotional character he is quite emotionally disconnected from Amy and has to be reminded to consider her feelings. i think it's wholly possible he could be written as a demisexual and I agree, Penny comes to mind quicker than Amy.

The most important question: Is the level of manipulation we see Amy demonstrate necessary for those who are demisexual. I would think they would find manipulation abhorrent and a complete betrayal of their emotional love.

[Idle Miscreant]

Greetings Muaaimoi, welcome to the good ship Lament.

Good grief, there’s so many things to say on this topic….On another forum I believe we engaged in a seven page ramble about it…

I don’t have the brain power currently to speak in any way edifyingly, but I’ll just start talking anyway....

Pajamas, demisexual generally denotes an ability to become sexually interested in a fellow human being, but only after a certain (variable) level of emotional attachment has been established. Ie, a roomful of naked calendar models of either sex would produce about the same effect on their respective demisexual targets as a roomful of wet lettuces. Ie, none at all. Or perhaps even borderline queasiness. But if one of those calendar models (or indeed anyone at all) was someone that the demisexual deeply trusted, was fond of, or had some other form of emotional attachment towards, then the possibility of sexual interest occurs, but still only towards that individual.

The episode in Season 5 where Amy manipulates Sheldon’s emotions by stimulating an artificial affection through associating herself with his fond childhood memories, was the one time (barring the completely left-field kiss) he’s demonstrated any form of vaguely sexual interest in Amy, to whit, the dandruff comment and his enjoyment of the “playing doctor” Star Trek style scenario. Otherwise his sexual interest, such as it is, appears to be centred around Penny, as demonstrated by a relentless series of inappropriately intimate comments, and frequent mention of her genitals (what is it, four times this season already?), undergarments, sexual proclivities and other secondary sexual characteristics. It’s obviously something of a burr in his brain, but I highly doubt it’s consciously realised, merely manifesting now and then in a somewhat off-colour fixation.

That said, I think his subconscious sexual awareness of Penny is almost superficial in nature, and merely the result of his constantly being in the presence of a chaotic, colourful, scantily clad female who gets in his face all the time. His emotional attachment to her manifests in other, wholly non-sexual ways.

So insofar as his relations with Penny and Amy go, I don’t think he has AS YET been portrayed as fitting the demisexual model, even though it’s a perfectly feasible scenario. Perhaps, as Muaaimoi said, his personal emotional threshold has not been reached.

He’s also not so far been shown to have any sexual interest in Leonard either, the person I think most likely in “real life” that Sheldon would be attracted to, outside of Penny. Presumably Sheldon the fictional character is heterosexual, according to the writers.

I really think they’re flying by the seat of their pants when it comes to Sheldon’s sexuality. Which makes any kind of assessment both unreliable and frustrating.

Personally I think the early Sheldon was written as a classic asexual, (bearing in mind that asexuality does not preclude onanism, it precludes the involvement of other people.) and it suited him marvelously. But if they’d wanted him to be “sexualised” for whatever reason, then the “celibate who lapses” would have worked as well.

Because, far from the incredibly dim-witted argument constantly flung in the Shennys' direction, that for S and P to work romantically, they’d have to violently change their personalities (I think they’re mistaking “personality” for “writers choice of romantic interest”), I’ve no trouble imagining Vintage Sheldon having “angry sex” with either Winkle or Penny, and then going right back to arguing or uncovering the mysteries of the universe.

Sex was not incompatible with the concept of Vintage Sheldon, who was an eccentric adult with childlike propensities, but I think it’s incompatible with the new, manipulatable, somewhat damaged, childish version they have now. His whole nature is severely off-kilter and unbalanced at the moment, and to throw any form of sex into the matter at this or some future juncture would I feel be somewhat repugnant and dubious.

But they’re going to do it anyway, because MONEY.

(NB, as a vague point of reference, like Witchdoctor, I also classify myself as demisexual....it's all rather nebulus and subjective in real life...obviously)

[Tuesday Pajamas]

Thanks for the clarification of demisexual. So love springs from trust, sounds like a reasonable way to approach life. Many of these terms are new to me, I personally identify with 'weird'.

I agree with you about their attempt to sexualise Sheldon. They have made a real hash of it. Sheldon, no longer behaves like the beautiful mind who has issues with human connection, he behaves like he has a cognitive disability. Like he is not able to develop beyond childhood. It makes the idea that Amy wants sex with him gross.

[queenoftheDales]

I believe demi-sexual would fit just as well as asexual would. The writers have established that Sheldon's has minimal interest in sex, whether male of female. Maybe there is a threshold he needs to hit emotionally for him to want to further intimacy with a person.

Do I think its with Amy? No. Their romance seems so forced, and the writers have had Sheldon express that he feels pressured by her. If he were demi-sexual, I would think that it would make him back away from getting more touchy-feely with Amy. How can he trust her intentions when all she has is an ulterior motive of self satisfaction? It doesn't seem like he has a sexual interest in her (or at least from what the writers show, SIck or not). If tptb want the non believers to get on the Shamy bandwagon (or at least stomach the fact that they are together), whatever they are doing now is not the way to go.

As a Shenny fan (reformed Sheldon purest), I think tptb were on the track to having them more emotionally connected. He seemed to be the most trusting with Penny with physical contact and hasn't shown a distain about being around her, touching her or her touching him. Do i think they could have eventually lead to more? The shenny in me says yeah, but I think Sheldon would have been just as fine without a romantic relationship.

Hell, it could have been with anyone (male or female) and if written right, it would have worked for me.

But in the world of this new Big Bang, sex=growth and unless Sheldon is giving it up he will not "grow"

[Wisp]

Call me a cynical, pessimistic cow, but the thing I'm finding now is that the show is no longer good enough to discuss in an analytical way. The Shamy is such a colossal disaster that I cannot take Sheldon's sexuality seriously anymore. (Well as serious as you CAN take a sitcom...)

[queenoftheDales]

Call me a cynical, pessimistic cow, but the thing I'm finding now is that the show is no longer good enough to discuss in an analytical way. The Shamy is such a colossal disaster that I cannot take Sheldon's sexuality seriously anymore. (Well as serious as you CAN take a sitcom...)

Maybe that was the plan all along. To have Shamy turn Sheldon's sexuality into so much of a damn joke just to divert the masses from questioning it. Its one of those "be careful what you with for" deals. Its actually annoying that it became such a big deal in the first place. Sheldon was just fine how he was before the need to placate the masses with Shamy

[Idle Miscreant]

Apologies for the word-wall teetering above us.
I'm a pontificator by nature....I can't help waffling on. And on. And on.
But yes, it's quite pointless to delve too seriously into any region of Sheldon's current psyche, because his characterisation is all over the place like a nest of pigs.
It's like trying to marshal fog...

[muaaimoi]

Good points all around. I've started some fanfic's with 'the mystery of Sheldon's deal' just to have Penny play detective. It was kind of fun because I got to explore some of the beliefs (sexual and celibate/uncomfortable with intimacy vs. asexual/grey-asexual/demisexual etc.) from Penny's point of view. And since I'm a shameless Shenny shipper, I was going to have them end up together at the end of it, but that's kind of where I got stuck. I am surprisingly just as satisfied with the idea of a romantic-asexual Sheldon having a queer-platonic romance with Penny, versus a demi-sexual Sheldon having a more 'conventional' relationship (I was leaning demi-sexual just to write some smut).

But on that note, I can surprisingly see Penny as Aromantic-sexual? It's a bit of a stretch until you remember that her concept of romance is basically kinky sex. I know she's had some long relationships, and showed a lot of hurt from her break up with Kurt(Which you could actually blame on cutting off her only support system in LA), but her way of dealing with that was to have a few 'flings'. I don't know, I could totally see Aromantic Penny and demi-sexual Sheldon having an awesome queertypical relationship...