08-26-2018, 07:31 PM
Continuing from above.
CH.4: Wow. This chapter was incredibly short. Again, the usual issues cropped up. But hey, at least you /started/ Sheldon! I can't even freakin' run without getting a hitch in my side every time and I hate it. It's why I can never stick with it. And 6 minutes, 18 seconds isn't that bad for a skinny beanpole who's likely never exercised that much, if ever, before. Keep at it, is all I can say(I know, I know. Hypocritical, right?).
CH.5: Usual issues, etc... On to the actual meat of the chapter. The flash cards are an interesting way to expand their knowledge bases, but definitely useful. I would've expected Sheldon to make tests and force Penny to make her own tests and then make each other take them. Flash cards are a much better way to go. I did laugh about the Kardashian and Venn diagram comments. Then it abruptly transitions from Penny and Sheldon in Sheldon's apartment in their bathrobes into Penny's apartment with no explanation. Did they even change clothes? The background on Sheldon dancing was interesting, since I vaguely remember something in canon about Texas and cotillions? The explanation for the difference between eidetic and photographic memory was enlightening as well, though I'm not fully sure that's how it works. Then again, I don't have either and am not a medical/psychological student so I can't contest it either.
Ch.6: Usual issues... Actual chapter: So yet another abrupt transition for the latest chapter, in which Sheldon and Penny just have plans to go out. A "surprise outing" on Sheldon's part even. It was *ahem* interesting to read about Penny dressing up, but the sudden switch from her perspective to Sheldon's is jarring because you just abruptly transition within a line. No "Meanwhile" or some kind of transitive or a line break to make it less jarring. It was definitely cool(and a little scary) to see Sheldon's very organized and detail organized mind break down how long it'd take Penny to typically get ready(And he had prepared for that ahead of time, a private car no less!), her emotional state at this time of the month, and how she's doing financially. Oh wait, Leonard and Priya are together. Wait, what? When the heck was Priya ever in this story? The date itself was pretty much what I would have expected of Sheldon, a nice formal outing...complete with geeky music, lol. I did appreciate the effort you went into describing the place you had Sheldon take Penny to, as it was /much/ better an effort than than everything else so far(Still could be better though). That kiss was a very nice first kiss and definitely seems to hold the promise of "more".
So obviously, I haven't read the full thing yet(Give me time, I need sleep!). But I'd say the biggest things holding you back are the fact that you lack completely and utterly in the "filler" scenes that link things together from one chapter to the next, the lack of background details and set-up, and of course, the spelling and grammar issues(Also, the fact that you promised a /story/ when 6 chapters in and it's more like vignettes kinda holds you back). I think this has potential, even though I haven't even reached the smut yet, but in my opinion, it needs to be fleshed out drastically and/or at minimum, the grammar and spelling errors need to be cleaned up to make it truly readable(An easy way to take care of the spelling and grammar stuff is Grammarly if you feel like ever going back and cleaning it up),. That said, I'll be continuing to read this and your other stories if you want critiques on those too.
CH.4: Wow. This chapter was incredibly short. Again, the usual issues cropped up. But hey, at least you /started/ Sheldon! I can't even freakin' run without getting a hitch in my side every time and I hate it. It's why I can never stick with it. And 6 minutes, 18 seconds isn't that bad for a skinny beanpole who's likely never exercised that much, if ever, before. Keep at it, is all I can say(I know, I know. Hypocritical, right?).
CH.5: Usual issues, etc... On to the actual meat of the chapter. The flash cards are an interesting way to expand their knowledge bases, but definitely useful. I would've expected Sheldon to make tests and force Penny to make her own tests and then make each other take them. Flash cards are a much better way to go. I did laugh about the Kardashian and Venn diagram comments. Then it abruptly transitions from Penny and Sheldon in Sheldon's apartment in their bathrobes into Penny's apartment with no explanation. Did they even change clothes? The background on Sheldon dancing was interesting, since I vaguely remember something in canon about Texas and cotillions? The explanation for the difference between eidetic and photographic memory was enlightening as well, though I'm not fully sure that's how it works. Then again, I don't have either and am not a medical/psychological student so I can't contest it either.
Ch.6: Usual issues... Actual chapter: So yet another abrupt transition for the latest chapter, in which Sheldon and Penny just have plans to go out. A "surprise outing" on Sheldon's part even. It was *ahem* interesting to read about Penny dressing up, but the sudden switch from her perspective to Sheldon's is jarring because you just abruptly transition within a line. No "Meanwhile" or some kind of transitive or a line break to make it less jarring. It was definitely cool(and a little scary) to see Sheldon's very organized and detail organized mind break down how long it'd take Penny to typically get ready(And he had prepared for that ahead of time, a private car no less!), her emotional state at this time of the month, and how she's doing financially. Oh wait, Leonard and Priya are together. Wait, what? When the heck was Priya ever in this story? The date itself was pretty much what I would have expected of Sheldon, a nice formal outing...complete with geeky music, lol. I did appreciate the effort you went into describing the place you had Sheldon take Penny to, as it was /much/ better an effort than than everything else so far(Still could be better though). That kiss was a very nice first kiss and definitely seems to hold the promise of "more".
So obviously, I haven't read the full thing yet(Give me time, I need sleep!). But I'd say the biggest things holding you back are the fact that you lack completely and utterly in the "filler" scenes that link things together from one chapter to the next, the lack of background details and set-up, and of course, the spelling and grammar issues(Also, the fact that you promised a /story/ when 6 chapters in and it's more like vignettes kinda holds you back). I think this has potential, even though I haven't even reached the smut yet, but in my opinion, it needs to be fleshed out drastically and/or at minimum, the grammar and spelling errors need to be cleaned up to make it truly readable(An easy way to take care of the spelling and grammar stuff is Grammarly if you feel like ever going back and cleaning it up),. That said, I'll be continuing to read this and your other stories if you want critiques on those too.