100 Ways to Kill a Doctor Halloween Challenge
(3.23)  Mortadella di cioccolato

Sheldon blinked at the police officer.

I'd only just met the woman.” he said. “My so-called friends blackmailed me by use of soiled hosiery to ensure my attendance.”

Right...” Officer Candless decided he didn't want to pursue that avenue. “So, yourself and Doctor Fowler were standing at the counter waiting to order drinks, when the suspect entered the premises.”

If by 'entered', you mean, crashed through the doorway like a maddened Rancor, then yes.”

And he knocked both you and Doctor Fowler forward, whereupon you struck your chest on the counter, but Doctor Fowler being of smaller stature, was pushed face-first into the cake stand?”

That is self-evident.” Sheldon nursed his ribs.

And Doctor Fowler promptly asphyxiated on a mixture of frosting and buttercream?”

They both looked at the limp body being lifted off the counter. Sheldon nodded sadly.

Death by Chocolate.” he said.

(7.01)  That Is Not Dead

Penny ambled back into her apartment, sorting her mail. She'd had a surprisingly pleasant evening, watching a movie and eating Chinese food with Sheldon. For once, it had just been them. (Leonard was away on his science expedition, and Amy was busy tormenting small primates for Big Pharma.)

Ow.” Something had nicked her thumb. She scuffled in the pile, pulled out a card. Heavy, yellowed stock that felt almost like leather, the angular script faded to a deep rust, bordered by a strange, sinuous pattern, all whorls and interlocking curves.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn...” She murmured. Tilted her head and frowned. “Must be one of the guys' Klingon thingies.”

She tucked it down by the microwave, where it nested in amongst the takeout flyers, and promptly forgot about it.

...and miles away, beneath the ocean, far beneath the small exploration vessel upon which Leonard Hofstadter was engaged in the pursuit of science and Mandy Chow, something vast and tentacled stirred...
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(7.23) Did Anybody Get the Number of that Karma?

They had met in the foyer by the mailboxes. Penny had waved her hand under Sheldon's nose, and squealed excitedly at him. Now, she was eyeing the ring a little more dubiously.

A repurposed industrial drillbit? That's...romantic.”

I am fairly sure he originally intended it for Priya Koothrappali.” Sheldon pointed out. Penny stiffened.


Given when he purchased it, he was in a relationship with her rather than yourself at the time.”

Penny didn't bother questioning him on that. Sheldon's memory was inconveniently exact, and he didn't lie. Outraged, she tugged at the ring. Which refused to budge.

Help me get this cheap piece of shit off.”

So Amy Farrah Fowler came through the door, to see the object of her predations...affections, kneeling down over her bestie's hand, fidgeting with something that sparkled...

Her beady eyes widened, and she gave a guttural snarl of rage.

Both Sheldon and Penny froze, a guilty tableau.

Amy leapt. Penny shrieked.

They tussled for a moment, undignified, until a flailing cardigan-clad elbow struck the panel in the wall. The elevator doors juddered open.

The chasm yawned behind them, and they teetered on the edge of disaster. Penny skidded on her heels, felt a strong arm wrap around her waist. Even now, it would not have been too late, but Amy would not be denied her prize. A clawing, a snapping of teeth, and Penny screamed.

With one last fading cry of “precious...” the squat neuroscientist disappeared down the elevator shaft.

Sheldon pulled Penny back from the brink, and they clung to each other.

The doors slid closed with a very final ping.


Penny was having her hand dressed by a paramedic (finger bitten to the bone, and possible fracture) and Sheldon was talking to a police officer, when the SWAT team barrelled in.

What's that about?” Penny asked.

Somewhere in the depths, there was a muffled thump, a slight shaking, and the elevator doors bulged for a moment.

I guess that the rocket fuel hadn't completely dispersed, even after all these years.” Sheldon remarked, as the SWAT team staggered back up the stairs, slightly more singed around the edges than they had been.

Shortly after that, a couple of anonymous unmarked cars drew up, and some granite-faced people in dark suits marched Leonard out of the building.  He wailed to Penny to call him a lawyer.  She suggested that he call Priya.

Well, I'm out a fiancé.”

I'm out a room-mate and a girlfriend.” Sheldon looked sideways. “What is the social convention in these circumstances?”

Haven't a clue.” Penny said, and suddenly felt inexplicably cheerful. “But maybe we should start with a drink.”

Consolatory beverages would seem to be indicated.” Sheldon thought. “I'm sure Leonard left some champagne in the refrigerator.”
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