08-06-2015, 07:26 AM
Here's the problem I have with the "Howard (New!Howard) wants kids and Bernadette doesn't" concept:
1. It's perfectly okay to not want kids, but it's unfortunate that this preference has been assigned to Bernadette, who, to anyone with ears and a brain, is a very off-putting character. The pushy, unpleasant, aggressive, domineering, henpecking woman is also the one who doesn't want children? This plays into some unfortunate stereotypes and prejudices, and makes it seem like not wanting kids is part and parcel of being an aggressive bitch who usurps her husband's position. "Uptight, driven career-woman doesn't want kids until she actually sees one, and then she melts" has been the premise of many a romcom movie. Like so much of the stuff the show has done lately, it's a dusty old cliché, and fits in perfectly with TPBT's message of "anyone who doesn't want a very conventional marriage-and-kids lifestyle is unnatural and abnormal and must be shown the error of their ways"...
2. This show was not supposed to be about weddings/marriage or babies/kids/pregnancy. This shouldn't even need to be said. If I wanted a family-themed sitcom, I'd watch a family-themed sitcom; they are numerous. What's less common is any positive portrayal of other lifestyles. IMO this is another reason why making the characters slightly younger at the start would've been a wise move for the show's longevity. Not many people in mainstream Western society believe that a 20-year-old should be in a hurry to "settle down" and they're abnormal or pathetic if they don't, and those who do have beliefs along those lines, probably wouldn't be watching this show anyway.
3. Do I think it's OOC for Howard, the real Howard, to *eventually* want to be a father? No. I think that's reasonably IC. The key word, though, is eventually. It is OOC and weird to have him so fixated on the idea, all of a sudden, and at such a young age. IIRC there was no mention of this idea until at least S5 or 6, no foreshadowing, etc. What late-twenties guy is suddenly obsessing about babies? Men don't have a biological time-limit on becoming parents, like women do. The higher a person's level of education, the later their age at marriage. These guys have spent their entire lives immersed in challenging and all-absorbing academic work. The career phase of their lives is still relatively new. The "independent young adult who is not a full-time student" phase of their lives is still relatively new, presumably. They may also have student loan debt and other onerous obligations. Who is going to jump straight from the academic grind into family life, unless it's dictated by their religious beliefs or something? What's wrong with a time of singlehood?
4. This brings us back to Ye Olde Canon Argument of "you just want the characters to die old and alone!!111!!" Um, no. I think it's reasonably plausible that some or all of these characters would *eventually* want some type of LTR or family-life. There's that pesky word again, eventually. I can buy the argument that Howard is a nurturing personality because he had to care for his Mom. What I dislike is the implication of "Meeting Bernadette made Howie a Better Man™, so now he's a nice wholesome family-oriented guy who just wants to cuddle some babies instead of being a horny tomcat."
I'm not saying men don't have parenting instincts or can't have a longing for family; that's sexist and simplistic. I can also kinda-sorta buy the argument that Howard would want a family of his own because his own childhood and home-life were rather sad or chaotic or imperfect. I can grudgingly admit that makes sense from a psychological/storytelling perspective, although I personally choose to disregard the whole "Howard's Dad" storyline because I think it's dumb and saccharine and emotionally manipulative and a bunch of other things. I also think the show overstates this idea that growing up in a single-parent home is just the most traumatic and unusual and shocking thing ever. It's not. It's how a large percentage of Americans grow up, nowadays, and it's not really noteworthy enough to warrant an explanation or a backstory or to be the focus of a storyline. Yes, it would be hugely damaging to Howard if his father had indeed rejected him, like that. But again, I think that's a melodramatic storyline and a sitcom simply doesn't need to "go there." Any perceptive viewer can tell that these clever people also have their vulnerabilities and their share of emotional baggage. That doesn't need to be spelled-out; it's implied in the acting.
Yes, yes, I can understand the angle of "Howard wants to create a better home-life than the one he had." That's a valid interpretation, but IMO it's only a valid interpretation if you buy into the "Howie's long-lost Dad" story, which I don't. My definition of "Real BBT" stops in mid-Season 3 or earlier, and that particular bit of backstory was introduced in Precious Fragmentation, which is an otherwise-good episode. It's also noteworthy that Precious Fragmentation presented the idea in an exaggerated, semi-humorous way, whereas later on, that idea was treated with deadly seriousness. At the time, it was the same type of scene as Howard crying because Winkle dumped him; it's meant to be more cute than tragic, IMO. It's meant to make us love Howard and sympathize with him but it's not supposed to be a major plot-point, at that stage. But this show is totally in the business of taking minor stuff from earlier seasons and turning it into something literal and dead-serious and Drama-Rama™.
Out of nowhere, we're given this heavy piece of backstory about a character we've already known for almost three seasons, with no prior mention of this idea and no foreshadowing. That's why it seems artificial, and that's why I simply choose not to accept it as "true." It's just dropped into our laps, kerplunk.
So, what do we have, here? We have a message of "Nice, caring, loving people want a traditional family. Your only other option is to be promiscuous and sleazy and morally degenerate, which will ultimately result in being a lonely lost soul." The show loves these false dichotomies and these very black-and-white, either-or scenarios. Can't be a loving, caring person and be single, or have some other type of relationship, or wait until later in life to have a relationship.
Bernadette is so awesome that she will cause you to do an immediate 180 from stalking supermodels and wandering through bars, to cuddling babies!!!11!!
But *she* doesn't want kids, because she's a cold-hearted witch! No, wait, she's a career-woman, who is more rational and successful than Howard, and she understands how much hard work parenthood would actually entail, whereas Howard doesn't, because he's a man-child!!!!
Maddona...Whore...Madonna..Whore...Madonna..Whore. Rinse and repeat.
My personal headcanon is that Howard, the real Howard, would either be with Raj, or would happily be a lifelong bachelor and have relationships that were friendly and mutually beneficial, but not "serious." Or, he might wait until his forties or fifties to have an LTR, and might be content to have an LTR without being formally married. That's just me. In a fictional context, I don't care for the topic of parenthood, and it kinda squicks me to think of my fave characters in that light. But again, that's just my personal headcanon. I think it's reasonably IC that he, or the others, might eventually want to get married and have kids. But here comes the million-dollar point: we, the viewers, do not need to see that part of the story.
This takes me back to my previous post: I don't want to see a character's entire lifespan. I just want to see a brief snapshot of their life, a little glimpse into their world. I just want to be a fly on the wall for a few days or months.
Nobody here, to my knowledge, is arguing that nerdy/eccentric people should never get married or have kids. I *am* arguing that those topics don't need to be televised. They don't make for interesting viewing. That is another story, for another day. They belong to a different genre, a different type of TV program. "And they all lived happily ever after" does not need to be spelled-out; it can just be implied. Never mind that these "relationships" are far from happy or idyllic.
If this show had ended with all characters single, or just casually dating someone, then the shippy types would be free to imagine that weddings and babies ensued, while the "noromo" (as distinct from #nohomo) types would be free to imagine other outcomes. Everybody's happy, right? No, only the people intelligent enough to understand that fiction is fictional are happy, because the others need to see weddings, or else they believe that the characters are laying dead in a ditch.
(along these same lines, I recently saw a Tumblr post to the effect of "Simon is a good father, so Howard will be a good father." The separation of actor and character is not strong, with this one...)
Do I think it's reasonably IC that Howard would want to be a father? Yes. That's not my personal preference or my personal headcanon, but I think it's within the realm of possibility and within the bounds of consistent characterization. What's OOC is the way they've made him obsessed with the idea, out of the blue, to the point where it becomes a storyline and a primary feature of his character. The "Howard is still a child himself, psychologically" thing is way gross and insulting and squicky, as is the implication that women always understand children better, or make better parents. And I sure as FUCK do not believe that Vintage!Howard would want to be a stay-at-home dad, not after he worked and studied so hard for his career*.
TL;DR: There's a major difference between "Yeah, maybe I could have a family someday" (with emphasis on *someday*) versus "OMG, I'm 27, time to fill rooms with offspring!!!111!!!"
*a career at which, yes, he would be making a nice salary, if the writers weren't sniffing copious amounts of glue.
1. It's perfectly okay to not want kids, but it's unfortunate that this preference has been assigned to Bernadette, who, to anyone with ears and a brain, is a very off-putting character. The pushy, unpleasant, aggressive, domineering, henpecking woman is also the one who doesn't want children? This plays into some unfortunate stereotypes and prejudices, and makes it seem like not wanting kids is part and parcel of being an aggressive bitch who usurps her husband's position. "Uptight, driven career-woman doesn't want kids until she actually sees one, and then she melts" has been the premise of many a romcom movie. Like so much of the stuff the show has done lately, it's a dusty old cliché, and fits in perfectly with TPBT's message of "anyone who doesn't want a very conventional marriage-and-kids lifestyle is unnatural and abnormal and must be shown the error of their ways"...
2. This show was not supposed to be about weddings/marriage or babies/kids/pregnancy. This shouldn't even need to be said. If I wanted a family-themed sitcom, I'd watch a family-themed sitcom; they are numerous. What's less common is any positive portrayal of other lifestyles. IMO this is another reason why making the characters slightly younger at the start would've been a wise move for the show's longevity. Not many people in mainstream Western society believe that a 20-year-old should be in a hurry to "settle down" and they're abnormal or pathetic if they don't, and those who do have beliefs along those lines, probably wouldn't be watching this show anyway.
3. Do I think it's OOC for Howard, the real Howard, to *eventually* want to be a father? No. I think that's reasonably IC. The key word, though, is eventually. It is OOC and weird to have him so fixated on the idea, all of a sudden, and at such a young age. IIRC there was no mention of this idea until at least S5 or 6, no foreshadowing, etc. What late-twenties guy is suddenly obsessing about babies? Men don't have a biological time-limit on becoming parents, like women do. The higher a person's level of education, the later their age at marriage. These guys have spent their entire lives immersed in challenging and all-absorbing academic work. The career phase of their lives is still relatively new. The "independent young adult who is not a full-time student" phase of their lives is still relatively new, presumably. They may also have student loan debt and other onerous obligations. Who is going to jump straight from the academic grind into family life, unless it's dictated by their religious beliefs or something? What's wrong with a time of singlehood?
4. This brings us back to Ye Olde Canon Argument of "you just want the characters to die old and alone!!111!!" Um, no. I think it's reasonably plausible that some or all of these characters would *eventually* want some type of LTR or family-life. There's that pesky word again, eventually. I can buy the argument that Howard is a nurturing personality because he had to care for his Mom. What I dislike is the implication of "Meeting Bernadette made Howie a Better Man™, so now he's a nice wholesome family-oriented guy who just wants to cuddle some babies instead of being a horny tomcat."
I'm not saying men don't have parenting instincts or can't have a longing for family; that's sexist and simplistic. I can also kinda-sorta buy the argument that Howard would want a family of his own because his own childhood and home-life were rather sad or chaotic or imperfect. I can grudgingly admit that makes sense from a psychological/storytelling perspective, although I personally choose to disregard the whole "Howard's Dad" storyline because I think it's dumb and saccharine and emotionally manipulative and a bunch of other things. I also think the show overstates this idea that growing up in a single-parent home is just the most traumatic and unusual and shocking thing ever. It's not. It's how a large percentage of Americans grow up, nowadays, and it's not really noteworthy enough to warrant an explanation or a backstory or to be the focus of a storyline. Yes, it would be hugely damaging to Howard if his father had indeed rejected him, like that. But again, I think that's a melodramatic storyline and a sitcom simply doesn't need to "go there." Any perceptive viewer can tell that these clever people also have their vulnerabilities and their share of emotional baggage. That doesn't need to be spelled-out; it's implied in the acting.
Yes, yes, I can understand the angle of "Howard wants to create a better home-life than the one he had." That's a valid interpretation, but IMO it's only a valid interpretation if you buy into the "Howie's long-lost Dad" story, which I don't. My definition of "Real BBT" stops in mid-Season 3 or earlier, and that particular bit of backstory was introduced in Precious Fragmentation, which is an otherwise-good episode. It's also noteworthy that Precious Fragmentation presented the idea in an exaggerated, semi-humorous way, whereas later on, that idea was treated with deadly seriousness. At the time, it was the same type of scene as Howard crying because Winkle dumped him; it's meant to be more cute than tragic, IMO. It's meant to make us love Howard and sympathize with him but it's not supposed to be a major plot-point, at that stage. But this show is totally in the business of taking minor stuff from earlier seasons and turning it into something literal and dead-serious and Drama-Rama™.
Out of nowhere, we're given this heavy piece of backstory about a character we've already known for almost three seasons, with no prior mention of this idea and no foreshadowing. That's why it seems artificial, and that's why I simply choose not to accept it as "true." It's just dropped into our laps, kerplunk.
So, what do we have, here? We have a message of "Nice, caring, loving people want a traditional family. Your only other option is to be promiscuous and sleazy and morally degenerate, which will ultimately result in being a lonely lost soul." The show loves these false dichotomies and these very black-and-white, either-or scenarios. Can't be a loving, caring person and be single, or have some other type of relationship, or wait until later in life to have a relationship.
Bernadette is so awesome that she will cause you to do an immediate 180 from stalking supermodels and wandering through bars, to cuddling babies!!!11!!
But *she* doesn't want kids, because she's a cold-hearted witch! No, wait, she's a career-woman, who is more rational and successful than Howard, and she understands how much hard work parenthood would actually entail, whereas Howard doesn't, because he's a man-child!!!! Maddona...Whore...Madonna..Whore...Madonna..Whore. Rinse and repeat.
My personal headcanon is that Howard, the real Howard, would either be with Raj, or would happily be a lifelong bachelor and have relationships that were friendly and mutually beneficial, but not "serious." Or, he might wait until his forties or fifties to have an LTR, and might be content to have an LTR without being formally married. That's just me. In a fictional context, I don't care for the topic of parenthood, and it kinda squicks me to think of my fave characters in that light. But again, that's just my personal headcanon. I think it's reasonably IC that he, or the others, might eventually want to get married and have kids. But here comes the million-dollar point: we, the viewers, do not need to see that part of the story.
This takes me back to my previous post: I don't want to see a character's entire lifespan. I just want to see a brief snapshot of their life, a little glimpse into their world. I just want to be a fly on the wall for a few days or months.
Nobody here, to my knowledge, is arguing that nerdy/eccentric people should never get married or have kids. I *am* arguing that those topics don't need to be televised. They don't make for interesting viewing. That is another story, for another day. They belong to a different genre, a different type of TV program. "And they all lived happily ever after" does not need to be spelled-out; it can just be implied. Never mind that these "relationships" are far from happy or idyllic.
If this show had ended with all characters single, or just casually dating someone, then the shippy types would be free to imagine that weddings and babies ensued, while the "noromo" (as distinct from #nohomo) types would be free to imagine other outcomes. Everybody's happy, right? No, only the people intelligent enough to understand that fiction is fictional are happy, because the others need to see weddings, or else they believe that the characters are laying dead in a ditch.
(along these same lines, I recently saw a Tumblr post to the effect of "Simon is a good father, so Howard will be a good father." The separation of actor and character is not strong, with this one...)
Do I think it's reasonably IC that Howard would want to be a father? Yes. That's not my personal preference or my personal headcanon, but I think it's within the realm of possibility and within the bounds of consistent characterization. What's OOC is the way they've made him obsessed with the idea, out of the blue, to the point where it becomes a storyline and a primary feature of his character. The "Howard is still a child himself, psychologically" thing is way gross and insulting and squicky, as is the implication that women always understand children better, or make better parents. And I sure as FUCK do not believe that Vintage!Howard would want to be a stay-at-home dad, not after he worked and studied so hard for his career*.
TL;DR: There's a major difference between "Yeah, maybe I could have a family someday" (with emphasis on *someday*) versus "OMG, I'm 27, time to fill rooms with offspring!!!111!!!"
*a career at which, yes, he would be making a nice salary, if the writers weren't sniffing copious amounts of glue.