03-05-2015, 09:25 PM
First off it's a little jarring reading something in your student voice. 
I so love (and envy) the witty conversational style you use here. Different audience, Toad, different audience...
Yes, your instincts are good. I think you might consider eliminating the first paragraph altogether and distilling it into a sentence or two. "The Simpsons...situated between the broad humor of...and the pointed, satirical humor of..."
I'm also wondering if the information about how the show came to be should be nearer the beginning? And I agree with PJ about it needing more paragraph breaks.
But once you throw in a lot more examples from the show I think you'll have a fine essay.
I so love (and envy) the witty conversational style you use here. Different audience, Toad, different audience...Yes, your instincts are good. I think you might consider eliminating the first paragraph altogether and distilling it into a sentence or two. "The Simpsons...situated between the broad humor of...and the pointed, satirical humor of..."
I'm also wondering if the information about how the show came to be should be nearer the beginning? And I agree with PJ about it needing more paragraph breaks.
But once you throw in a lot more examples from the show I think you'll have a fine essay.
OH PLEASE...